Innovations in Matchmaking for Dogs by Zak Rutchik

McLean, VA—The McLean Animal Hospital just released a new doggie dating app that will revolutionize the way dogs can find mates. The app, called “Happy Tails,” is the #1 site recommended by veterinarians to help single dogs find their “true wuff.” Released on January 22, 2025, it has been gaining popularity and has even grabbed the attention of a few celebrity pups. Benjamin Franklin, who stars on the popular show “Watching Me Eat Kibble,” is very impressed with the site. He has invested three treats into the company as a token of his gratitude.

It has also caught the attention of another celebrity, Barnaby Jones, who has been a peace activist and an equal rights protester for the dog community. He firmly believes that just because dogs have the mental capacity of a human two-year old, they should still have equal rights and equal representation. He was awarded the Nobel prize in 2015, beating out famous humans like Mother Teresa, Theodore Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, and Martin Luther King Jr. Some people said that the only reason he won was because all of his competition is not alive, and the Nobel only goes to the living, but he completely disagrees, mostly because he has no idea what this means. Understanding concepts is not his strongest trait. Winning the prize was quite a feat, or as Barnaby called it, “quite a feet, four of them.” Even though us dogs do not have opposable thumbs like humans do, we are still very good at using the computer, and we too can change the world” he says.

Happy Tails would not be possible without the use of the newest technology, which has made it easy for dogs around the world to communicate with each other. With just a bark into the phone or computer, the bark recognition technology can match each dog with the perfect date. There are some problems though, including the access to computers. This is because they cannot sit in a chair and log into the computer or phone.

Prior to the advent of this app, it was very difficult for dogs to meet their partners. They would have to scratch on the door, howl at their owners, and whimper to get them to take them to a dog park. While there, the only way they could find a mate was by the “undogilized,” act of sniffing another dog's bum. Now, the introduction of the new app at the start of 2025 has made it incredibly easy for dogs to meet each other, without having to get the permission of their owner. They can swipe away to find their “pawfect” match with so much less hassle.

However, even though the app is growing in popularity, it still has many other apps to compete with. A recent poll sent out by the New York Times revealed that 64% of dogs are primarily using an app called “Peewee Pups” to match with other dogs, while only 36% are using “Happy Tails” as their main dating website. A spokesperson for “Happy Tails” tells CNN that this is probably the case because Peewee Pups offers a special feature that is different from all of its other competitors.

The company announced on Feb 12, 2025, not long after the release of “Happy Tails,” that the dogs would now be able to book a bath and a grooming service to look fresh and clean for their date. Instead of having to wait months to find a groomer, or someone who can give them a bath, they can come into their local groomer and show their subscription to Peewee Pups. This guarantees that they can get a haircut or a bath on the same day. This is especially important when they accidentally step in their poop on a walk.

“Happy Tails” also has some unique features that separates it from its competitors. With the development of new technology, and the hiring of experienced software developers, the company created a feature that allows dogs to sniff each other through the phone or computer. This makes it easier for them to find another dog that they truly love, using their strongest sense to make the strongest connection. “Sometimes I have been matched with another dog, but when I meet them in real life, they are completely different than I had expected,” says one customer. “I met a very attractive poodle online, but when we met in person, we realized our smells were not compatible. You can't spend the rest of your life with someone that doesn't smell right,” says Arthur the Cocker Spaniel.

Another feature that only Happy Tails offers to its customers is the ability to get the first date with the dog you matched with for free. This enables our best friends to save their money, which is good, because they actually do not have any. The fact that the dogs have no money is an increasing concern for our investors. Happy Tails is not concerned though, because we can re-sell what the dogs can bring. This includes chewed up slippers, half-eaten roast beef sandwiches, and of course bones.

Our company believes that we will become the new face of the pet industry and find hope, love, and happiness for single dogs everywhere. If you have a dog, make sure to tell them all about the app during your next walk.