Packing by Cody Lottmann

I started packing this weekend

Putting my things neatly in boxes

Organized by categories

Clothes, hygiene, books

And sealed with tape

Sealed like my trauma

They said it would get easier but it doesn’t

They said i would get used to it and I did

But that doesn’t make it any easier

It’s like ripping a bandaid off, but full body

It’s on your skin and your peeling slowly

Slowly but if you pull quickly it would be over with

Like a needle piercing skin to inject a vaccine into the bloodstream

I wish it was easier

To carry the boxes and move each one out

To put it in a different location

Like my trauma and thoughts that I relocate to the back of my head

I wish it was easier to go through and get rid of what I didn’t want

Cause I’d get rid of a lot

Maybe i just don't like change

Change usually means negativity

I know change is good

Like when flowers die, their seeds spread and eventually bring new life

But I don’t want to see it

I don’t want to believe it

I think maybe change is good for others

But not for me

It’s not something for me

I like the four walls I’m surrounded by and rather stay in on place

But that doesn’t change anything for me

Cause I still need to pack everything

And get rid of what I don’t need

Maybe

I should take a minute to review

And organize

My thoughts

Instead of just these boxes

Before I finish packing this week