self portrait at 3:27pm by Sophia Black

sitting on sticky turf

it’s green, too green, green like the fluorescent dye

that you squeeze into little-kid cupcake frosting

occasionally i pull up a strand and twist it between my fingers

it reminds me of plasticky doll hair

the kind you would braid with difficulty, hunched over on your bedroom floor

i haven’t had a doll in a long time now

they started to scare me, after a while

if i’m being honest everything starts to scare me after a while

earlier today the gravel smelled like rain

i love rain

my hair is all around my face right now

it used to be longer but i couldn’t stand it

not how it looked but how it felt–

too much too much too much

like you can feel every strand on you all of the time

like parasites

like parasites on your hands on your face in your eyeliner

(that’s why i don’t wear eyeliner anymore

(or use earbuds))

it’s like snakes, you know

even the plasticky turf feels like that sometimes

strangling and everywhere and everywhere

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

againandagainandagain